June 17

Every time I get the urge to write something on here I want to apologize for how long it's been since I last posted. But I'm going to stop doing that because who cares about how long it's been. Nobody's reading these as I write them, If anyone else is reading them it will be far enough into the future that I probably won't be posting anymore on this blog, or if I am I'll trust the person enough to where I won't feel pressured to write more. Onward to my feelings.

I've been having really bad anxiety the past few days. It's been moderate to bad for the past few months, but in the past week, it's gone up a level. There are a plethora of reasons for me to be anxious but knowing that doesn't help me at all. In the past, it's been easier for me to cope with anxiety because it's always been a strictly mental thing, but recently I've started to show physical symptoms as well. I'll have heart palpitations a few times a day, or shortness of breath that lasts for days or weeks at a time. My dad had the same shortness of breath thing when he was just out of college, which is reassuring to me, but it's still hard to cope with things not knowing when they'll pass.

Another thing that's bothering me is my strained friendship with E***. I don't know where to start. She treats me differently now. 5 or 6 months ago she asked to make sure that I didn't treat her differently no matter what. I said I wouldn't because that's just not something I do. 5 or 6 months later I'm not treating her any differently but she's treating me much differently. I feel like I don't matter to her anymore.